Bully Starts and Stops at Home
Teacher’s pet. Geek. Fraidy cat. Bully. Each of these labels can be the source of relentless teasing and taunting by children. However, it’s usually the bully who does most of the name-calling.
Bullies are unique, due to they don’t feel remorse for their behavior. Bullies often taunt others saying “the kid deserved it.” Physical and verbal intimidation by bullies should not be tolerated by children, teachers, parents or school administration.
Frequently, bullies adopt these behaviors from home environments. Parents may be physically or verbally abusive or overly strict. The bully may actually be the victim of another bully, perpetuating the behavior he or she receives.
To prevent their own children from becoming bullies, parents should examine the following behaviors:
- Watch parenting practices. Parents may not realize that physical punishment, frequent criticism or staunch obedience requirements may make a child act out when he or she is away from home. The message a child receives is that anger, violence and intimidation are appropriate modes of behavior for getting what you want.
- Observe communication patterns. The tone of voice is as important as the message. Children who are belittled, criticized or the targets of sarcastic remarks assimilate these verbal weapons and use them on others.
- Teach negotiation techniques. It’s okay to intervene when one child begins to dominate play to the detriment of other children. When children are young, parents can teach children various respectful ways to act and respond to the behavior of others.
- Set limits. It’s not a good idea to let children behave in any manner they please, believing they will grow out of it. Permissive parents can feed into a demanding child’s behavior. Teach them positive, appropriate methods to get the desired results.
Once a bully, always a bully? Not necessarily so.
Make sure the child realizes that bullying will not be tolerated. Let the child know there are consequences for such behavior and when an incident occurs at school, school authorities will discipline.
Unless bullies also are bullied, they have no way to empathize with victims. Let the child explore through role-playing how it would feel to be the target of such abuse. Play the role of the victim with the child as the bully and then switch positions.
Finally, give the child positive reinforcement for pro-social behavior. Building self-esteem will help keep a child from wanting to destroy another child’s self-esteem.
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