When Bad Things Happen To Good People
When we suffer a severe and unexpected shock, like the death of a loved one or the loss of a home to fire, it upsets our expectations that the world should be predictable, fair and understandable.
That psychological blow may be a bigger problem for many people to overcome in returning to normal life than the damage to their property, physical health or other personal loss.
If the victims are unwilling to relinquish the idea that the world is understandable, they feel a desperate need to make sense of what has happened. They respond to that need in different ways, by blaming, theologizing or philosophizing.
Some people blame themselves and explain the disaster in terms of their own behavior. This approach leaves them feeling guilty, but with the consolation they are not powerless in a world that is beyond their control.
However, sometimes the explanations other people offer leave the person with the feeling it must have been their fault.
Others reconcile themselves to what has happened through the theological belief the world is run according to a good purpose, but one that is too complicated for human beings to be able to explain all of the details at the time.
For example, a person who succeeds in one job after being fired from another may say in hindsight that what appeared a disaster at the time was actually a blessing in disguise. Sometimes people try to hold on to that belief but lose it if they do not find a compensating good event occurring for each bad event that happens during their life.
A third way of reacting to disasters is to accept them philosophically as an unpredictable part of life that may strike anyone at any time but cannot be explained rationally.
Regardless of their attempts to explain the disaster that has occurred, people have a remarkable capacity to go on with their lives and mobilize their inner strength to respond positively.
Ideas to help family and friends in need:
- Do spend time with them.
- Do show them you care by the power of touch.
- Do sit with them quietly and show empathy.
- Do allow them to go through the process of grieving for their loss at their own pace. After a serious trauma, people are entitled to at least a year of not being their normal selves. After a year, you might suggest counseling, only if they are frustrated by the pace of their own recovery, not because you are in a hurry to see them happy.
